Creepy, and Completely Unnecessary!

It seems that people have this inherent desire to decorate. I sometimes wonder if the months are riddled with holidays for no other reason than to allow the masses of middle-America to get their decorating fix on.

And when decorating a room, or a cake is no longer enough, pet owners quickly turn to decorating their cats and dogs, rappers turn to decorating their teeth, and parents turn to decorating their children...

Now perhaps its just me, but I find it completely creepy when a newborn infant, or even a toddler is dressed up against their will, or even their knowledge...for a cheap Halloween laugh. If infants weren't so helpless and generally complacent, I doubt they would stand for such ridicule.

Regardless...to satiate my morbid curiosity, I looked to the internet to see what the latest styles and trends are in the realm of infant costumes, here are some of the more disturbing options available today :

1. The White-Trash Yard Flamingo



For those of you who are looking to tick off the HOA, simply dress your child up in this gem, place him or her out in the yard, and wait by the mailbox for the cease and desist that will likely arive within 5-7 business days.


2. The Yellow Cocoon (AKA Banana...)



This outfit requires a little more care, but if you are diligent to water daily, you will be simply tickled with joy by your bouncing baby butterfly that will likely emerge by Thanksgiving.


3. The Lobster Infant



This one has The Little Mermaid's Sebastian rolling in his shell. How could you not find yourself filled with joy as you watch the 6 additional lifeless legs drag across the floor as though your infant was debilitated by a massive bone-crushing object.


4. Humpdty Dumpty Infant



Not only will your infant put the "dump", in "dumpty"... but to continue the theme in your own home, simply place Humpty precariously high on a staircase banister, and see how long it takes junior to have a great fall...


5. Rock-A-Bye Baby



I'm still not sure if this is suppose to be Elvis, or the Legendary "Running Man" Stalker... Dynamo! The webbed fingers are a nice touch regardless...


6. Woopie Cushion Bunting Infant



Imagine the delight your family can share when you quickly slide junior under Grandma Ethel's seat cushion without her knowledge, as she prepares to take a load off.


7. Little Trees Car Freshener Infant



"Hey, what's that savory scent exuding from your vehicle?! ...Oh look, its just little Johnny dangling from the windshield!"

Not only will your car reap the rewards of that unmistakable scent, but think of all the time you could save buckling junior into the cumbersome child-seat. But wait, there's more! When simply hung from the rear-view mirror instead, your precious infant will always be in view as he or she completely obstructs your peripheral vision.


8. Baby Captain Hook Bunting



(Dual-peg legs sold separately...)


and finally...

9. The Sheep Infant



What a fabulous metaphor for those of you who have come to grips with the life of mediocrity the lies ahead for your young one, what better way to showcase your lack of expectation by dressing your child up as a sheep.

(also available in black)

..as you were

Over the limit...Under Arrest!

So I'm guessing you have all seen that PSA against drunk-driving... where the 3 guys get busted for DUIs, and their vehicles are filled with their alcohol of choice, so when the door opens, or the window rolls down, it comes rushing out all over the officer.

Don't get me wrong, I think its a strong campaign, and well executed, there are just a few things that caught my eye :

First off, the execution is extremely stereotypical in its depiction of the 3 characters. The not-so-clean-cut guy, driving around in a beater truck, with a mesh hat, is showcased as driving light beer, the successful business man had a big night of dirty martinis, and the 3rd guy who doesn’t really come as flaming to any degree (but might as well be gay)…. Spills out a car load of cosmopolitans…

So 3 white guys, with 3 drinks unique flavors… In my opinion, if they were all about including the cosmo, maybe they could have considered using a woman. Women get DUIs too you know!

Secondly, Can you imagine the dismay of the guy who got assigned to the Cosmo car. I’m guessing he was just thrilled about the shit-storm his real life buddies would inevitably dish out when they happened across the commercial during a gathering for Monday Night Football.

I know it’s a serious subject, but I personally think they should have added a little more of a comical aspect.

They could have one guy decked out in a parka, with a scarf, and a wool cap, maybe with a slight shiver….sitting in an avalanche of frozen pina colada, with a few limes here and there, so people knew it was pina colada, and not simply snow.

Or better yet! They could have had what looked like a pool of pink cosmopolitan, but when the car door opened, rather than spilling out, the entire mass could have simply jiggled back and forth, as though the guy had just come from a wild night of jell-o shots. Maybe he could have been wearing one of those college acronym sweatshirts, just to drive home the fraternity cliché a bit more.

As you were…